Nine

I'm currently in a rehearsal room trying uneventfully for the last 90 minutes to be productive. I'm doing a one-man show (partially forced) and I don't really have a director. I wrote the piece and I will perform it without any other "crews" or people to help me out during the actual performance process. And let me tell you, I'm trying my best to give a damn but at some point, you burn out. I do try to re-gear myself into the materials front time to time, but then you can only do so much. By yourself.

And is it bad to say that I don't care about it as much as I thought I would? I don't know anymore, I'm just trying to get by. Now see that right there can be opposite of what I just say, but I don't know what I'm saying anymore. Moving on.

My mistake of doing the improv was that I really let EVERYTHING go, which is a no-no. A certain structure is still needed for this kind of free form. I'll remember that. But man can I say that it's difficult to put that boys scene together because somehow I need to reshape the amount of people involved in the original scene? I felt a bit schizophrenic, but I won't complain. What I was glad about is that there seemed to be truths in the moment, which is always desired. I have a clear objective I was going for without me consciously realizing actually, but the form brings out the truth. Or it forces you to do it, rather. It was good. Got to make these things feel natural and comfortable. Got to get used to this form.

I do ask myself during my own rehearsal process whether I'm bringing the truth. I think that's always a good reminder.

Namaste on ACH. Going to meet them soon. Thank you Sally.